Archive for September 4th, 2008
Maybe I’m just too tired. Maybe I’m too sensitive. Whatever the case is … this unsolicited email I got today from someone that viewed my other site and totally ragged it out just has stirred up my shit. Looks like I’ll be adding learning advanced HTML to my “to-do” list.
I know I’m being unduly hard on myself, as I’ve been running in a zillion directions all at once – getting our house ready and up on the market, working/commuting 12+ hour days, attending innumerable social obligations, and baking on the side while still awaiting bigger, more pro digs.
So why do I care so much? Why has this total stranger’s email riled me up so?
I’ve been sitting at this crossroad for a loooooong time. I’ve seriously considered saying f*ck-all to my current situation and running with what I’ve got to branch out on my own. Of course, the big question is … am I good enough?
Is it fair to even ask that question when I haven’t devoted 110% of myself to what I really want to do? This is what happens when you try to do too much. Everything suffers.
I promised myself that I would stay in corporate just one more year so we would be more financially sound when I left. It’s been one year and three months, and I’m still in the thick of it. Our car is paid off, we’ve made a considerable dent in our home equity loan, and have no credit card debt. So what am I still doing here? I’ve decided that we need a bigger house where we can settle in for the next 15-20 years. Crazy move on my part? Perhaps.
A part of me wants to quit my day job, remove all advertising for my alternate life in pastry, and buckle down to get ready for a re-launch. New site, new strategy, new location, new staff. New mindset. No more running around like a lunatic wondering how it’s all going to get done. I’m aiming for a controlled chaos. A more centered soul. Peace.
At this rate, I’m flying in completely the wrong direction to get there. Maybe that email was a wake up call. If I didn’t care so much about it … it wouldn’t affect me so.
Maybe it’s just time. To simplify. To not be ruled by the dollar, but to follow the heart.
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I honestly don’t know how people live in houses that they are trying to sell. It took us about an hour and a half this morning to “hide” our lives and make our home ready for the real estate agent open house today. And that doesn’t reflect all the nights that we spent cleaning and organizing to get ready. How I long to just vegetate in front of the tv for a night.
We decided to drive into work today since we missed the last train shuttle this morning. As we sit in Lincoln tunnel traffic I am very grateful we do have the train to take most days. But I digress…
I have mixed emotions about selling our house at the moment. The house we loved did not wait for us and we have yet to find another place that feels like we could make it our home. If we sell, I’ll most likely have to work in corporate a but longer so we can spend a little more to get a nicer, bigger place in a neighborhood where we won’t have to lojack the car. If we don’t sell, I can quit my job without worrying, as I know we can comfortably live on Jay’s salary alone while I take the steps to move forward with opening a SweetElement storefront.
I’m leaving it up to the universe now. I’ve put ample time and effort towards both scenarios, so I think now it’s time to see which actions speak louder to the masses. Bakery or house?
In the meantime, we shall live in an impecable house so clean that my mother would be proud and that makes us feel like we are living in a stranger’s digs.